cursing post.cursing here and there.cursing everywhere

i have every damn right to be mad.
first, i am getting married this december, and there are plenty of damn things that are not ready yet.
and the person who should be responsible for every single damn thing, me, is not there.
my father, whose daughter is getting married will only be there like one or two days before the wedding.
so who's gonna do all the freaking things back at home? my mother alone?
secondly, i am still here in bangi. why?
because of this damn research thingy which has been lagging since year one.
i am getting to the end of year two and there are still so many freaking works to be done.
why is that? because of some stupid problems which is caused by another person which has procrastinated my works since year one.
and because of that, i may have to extend my degree, causing me to pay for another extra semester.
because my freaking scholarship only covers for the freaking 2 years of study which is being wasted over some stupid problems.
thirdly, because of problem number two and number one, i have to get a job.
i have to work my ass off to cover my expenses, my car, my fuel, my research expenses, and my freaking extended semester fees, thesis fees, examiner's fees and whatever freaking fees they'll suck out of me.
i have been thinking of dropping my degree and focus on getting a job.
but who's gonna pay back for my freaking scholarship i used to pay for my fees for 2 years?
and if i work, and still continuing my degree, who will help me to complete my freaking research, in case some field works need to be carried out?
number four, i am seeking empathy for my problems, but what i get in return is what? more questions and complaints. from the person who i thought might comfort me.
this is my right to be mad. yeah i know what i should do to comfort myself. dont tell me things i already know.
but i tried very hard to control my freaking anger for these past few years, and people start taking advantages on me.
i hate to bitch over things, but dont try me. it's not my preferred attitude, but the pressure surrounding me brought out the worst of me.

hati berbunga-bunga sikit

tadi pi makan kat meribraun. pastu nampak kelibat interviewer kerja haritu.
memula dia tengah sorang. nak pi kat dia, meja takde orang jaga pulak.
satgi meja dah ada orang jaga, tengok2 dia tengah cakap ngan kawan dia.
kendian decided nak pi jugak la.

saya: sorry to disturb u sir, i think you have forgotten me. you interviewed me last 2 weeks in johor bahru.
encik leong (bukan nama sebenar): yah..yah...i remember you.how do you do? (sambil hulur tangan)
saya: i'm doing fine sir.
encik leong: are you still interested in the position?

amboih...mestilah interested.kita nak cari kerja kan..
saya: yes. i still am. i'm still waiting for the interview result.
EL: oh. we will let you know in 2 days. so you want to be based in KL right?
saya: yes. i hope to be based in kl. because i'm getting married in december. this coming december.
EL: so how long you will take your leave? one month?

amboihhh..cuti sebulan ni pakej buat anak siap2 ke..

saya: no lah. maybe 1 or 2 days for each side. so altogether tak sampai 1 week.
EL: oh...ok ok.so we will let you know.
saya: ok ok.thank you sir.have a nice day.

tapi sampai habis berbual pun, still tak ingat nama dia.hampeh.

current project

THIS.

THIS IS TORTURE.